isn't it amazing.. how sometimes.. your life screws up.. and try as you might.. u can't get it back on track?
damn.. i wish i were a superhero....

its been a long time hasn't it?
I don't really have much left to blog... I failed napfa over and over again... I have a bad feeling about school.. I had this... disillusion that I wanted to take psychology cos I felt that was more for me.. cos I analyse and think too deep for my own good.. so why not try to make a living out of it? But then I got a wake up call... that was just another one of my stupid ideas... what else can I say? Friends of mine will also know what else has happened.. seems pretty obvious now.. basically.. life has hit its all time low. NS coming soon.. still failing NAPFA.. not gonna get a good grade to show for my 3 years of Poly... I'm even losing my appetite for food!! .. Future looks bleak in every aspect. The only thing worth cheering for is probably Spiderman. Stylo movie.

Many things are swimming about in my head now.. it makes me very confused.. very irritated.. very vexed... surprisingly.. I'm not losing any sleep... mainly cause I find the waking hours like shit. I just sit around and mope. Pink's "Don't let me get me" is top on the charts on 98.7... that song hits a note in me... I may not be a pop star.. and I sure as hell don't get compared to Britney Spears.. but you get the idea...


"Don't Let Me Get Me"

Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never
clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin'
right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be somebody else, yeah

LA told me, "You'll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are."
Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty, that just ain't me

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Don't let me get me

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else


See.... Right now... my main objective.. is to avoid wallowing in self pity.. I wanna get up and go out there.. train for napfa.. pass and get the fucking silver.. then I get to enjoy a few more weeks of civie life.. I wanna go out there and find out.. what exactly is Psychology about.. and what are my chances of getting it... I even considered taking A Levels in private... but as usual.. shit.. i give up.. Life just doesn't get any easier as you grow up does it? Makes you wonder.. how in the world did my parents get through life?

My mom and dad are immigrants. They were born and bred in Malaysia. Dad came to Singapore to find work.. Mom came along later. Then over time Singapore became home. Thats the shortened version. Lately mom has been telling me the extended version. About how hard it was when they first came over. How my mom felt miserable. It never occured to me.. she had no friends. My dad had joined the army.. and you know how these army people treat the army as their second home.. but my mom.. she was alone. She had to start from scratch.. make new friends. Life must have been REALLY hard.. but everything turned out pretty ok I guess... I suppose my point here is pretty fuzzy... I don't think I even have a bloody point.. just blabbering.. making sense of my life...

Self-pity. How much self-pity is healthy? Hmm. Please.. If anyone can tell me the answer to this.. Please do so. I desperately need to know how much I should pity myself. It sickens me, the way I act at times. I should go to TCS. Acting is something I do naturally. I walk around all day with a mask. Even at the times where I say I am myself, I'm just saying that. The cold hard truth is I have no idea who I am. Thats why I can do impersonations (bad ones). Its cause my whole life is a TV show to me. This could be a cartoon talking... seriously speaking.. you guys are probably wondering what the hell am I talking about now. I have no idea myself.. think of this as an outlet for me to discover myself.

I watched this cartoon the other time. Its called Vandread. My friend argues that its just a normal cartoon.. not even a great one in fact. you get sick of it after a while. While that may be true, there was this plot line in it that made me think. Think real hard. In the cartoon, the main char is this kid.. I think of 15 or 16 years of age. So he has this "love interest". Right.. so anyway.. There was this bandit that was trying to get fresh with the "love interest" and then the main char came dashing in yelling some stuff about getting the bandit to stop. The bandit whacked the shit out of the main char and told him, the next time they meet, the guy had better use his own words to speak to him.

What that meant in the show.. I have no idea.. but what it meant to me was that if you keep using quotes you have heard from else where, what does that make you? A mere tape recorder? A man, a human with a mind should think up his "own" words to say. I then realised.. everything I have said.. are quoted..or to put it bluntly.. copied.. from somewhere else. To the extent that even my own personality is copied.

Sure some may say this is a matter of influence and thats what I say to myself to reassure myself. I was watching Friends(the tv show) today with my friends (as in...my friends). Ross was whining about something. Then everytime Ross did something really dumb.. I noticed a friend of mine would glance over to my direction.. or maybe even right at me.... Then I realised.. hey.. I act like Ross! Pierre Png on Tv.. some people say I look like him.. I don't know about that.. I've only noticed similarities in our smile. But people say I resemble a character he plays even more. Phua Chu Beng. In the sense that I whine like Ah Beng. Do I really whine that much?

I'm a whiner.. Thats no surprise.. Look at this Blog.. Its just one big..long whine.... I guess I do complain a lot.. but here's another thing. The two whiners that I resemble.. Ross and Ah Beng, they are both characters in a SITCOM. And more often then not, their whines are comical. I guess my point here is that when I whine, more often then not, I do it expecting a laught track to follow...

I guess this writing therapy shit works pretty well.. I'm hungry.. and I feel SLIGHTLY better... maybe I'll do this again next time.
Thanks for reading till here. Sorry for writing this long.

Kevin's Collection of our DnD Photos
My collection of DnD photos as well as my Japan trip

Had a great time at the DnD. Granted the entertainment was pretty sucky and the food was pathetic. And basically not a lot of people were very keen on dancing there. But since I'm such a weird person, that didn't stop me from having a hell of a time with my MMC friends. Something I almost nevver did during my 3 years in ngee ann.

heh.. so basically saturday was wake up.. go have horrific haircut.. as you can see from the photos... then..went to sentosa..left early -sorry mark!!!- came home, caught up on some R&R.. then left for the dinner.... after dinner.. went to Embargo with my classmates.. yea..my very first time inside Embargo. haha.. its not as posh as i taught it would be... but still pretty posh la... Centro must really be something then... I wonder if I'll ever find out.. haiz... after leaving Fullerton, went over to Lau Pa Sat to eat and meet up with Png and company.. then we walk to Suntec!! haah.. my bright idea... cos I bored :p sorry~~~

morning 6 then went back home. Ooosh.. what a day man....

god i miss her...